Excuse me while my drug addled mind tries to put the past Thursday through Sunday together...

Isn't Burning Man like one giant rave? Yes. Isn't it just a bunch of dirty hippies? Yes. Isn't it filled with a bunch of rich dot com scum in air conditioned motorhomes? Yeah, there's that, too. But, what people don't get is Burning man is whatever the fuck you want it to be. Most people prepare for it for months or weeks. I spent a day getting my shit together. No food. I don't have a car to go shopping. I'm poor. I'm lazy. It was fine. I had been there before and I knew that everybody brings way too much food. I ate like a fucking king. I rode up with my friend Sarah. She was stressin' out. She wanted to get there and meet her friend Liz at 9:00 on Thursday night. I wanted to arrive with no agenda and just see what happened. We were late. We missed Liz.

We set up our camp in the walk in area in the boonies, chased down some hash truffles with some mexican beer and hopped on our bikes to see what we could find. Not much, really. Thursday was boring night. I did run into my friends Critter and Xian. 30,000 people there and I ran into some pals within a couple hours. They told me where to find my friends that had a camp called the Brotherhood of Sissies. I hooked up with them the next day and became a fixture of their camp for the rest of the time.

Before the following night's festivities (I can't say that I really remember the day.) I went to check out Jiffy Lube. Its a sleazy labrirynth of an army tent where queer boys go to fuck and suck. I'm there for about two minutes when I see a hot boy wearing a sarong and boots. Cute face, skinny hairless cut body. I reach out and grab his cock and he reaches for mine. He's huge; at least nine thick inches. After a minute of this, I'm on my knees deep throating him. We have a little audience in no time. Versatility is key. Reciprocity is nice, but screw it. I'm happy on my knees right now. We get off and its time to find my friends.

That night my girl Sarah found a coupla friends of ours from San Diego. We hooked up and were gonna check out the Death Guild's Thunderdome; a recreation of the Thunderdome from the Mad Max movies, replete with trapeze fights and freaks that look like they stepped out of the movies. On the way to the Dome, we came acrosss Dr. Megavolt and got sidetracked. I ditched my friends cuz I wanted to be right up front. Megavolt is this guy that has a 20 ft. tesla coil (You know like those lame party lights in the glass ball that you put your hand up to and bolts of electricity stretch out to wherever you make contact with the glass. Same thing in Dr. Frankenstein's lab, too). He wears special suit and battles the tesla lightning bolts. It's fucking intense. You can feel the charge of the air all around you. The ozone released makes it smell like you're next to a giant Xerox machine.

By then the quarter of mushrooms I took is hitting me. Hard. I decide that I better catch up to my pals, cuz I'm in no state to be on my own. I pick up my backpack and turn around. The crowd has completely filled in. It's an ocean of people packed shoulder to shoulder to shoulder. I look into this crowd of weirdos' eyes and decide that there is no way I can deal with moving through. It would be a recipe for a freak out. Defeated I turn back around and throw my backpack back down. I can hear this girl I saw watching me behind me laughing. She knows exactly what ridiculous state I'm in. Its a common state here. After the show, the crowd clears and I think I see Sarah. I reach my arms out to hug her, but then realize that she is some smelly hippie with narsty dreadlocks. I apologize and say I thought she was my friend Sarah. She says, "I am Sarah." "Really?!" and I start laughing and hug her.

We take off to the Thunderdome and score a spot in the front row. The triangles in the geodesic dome look like strange fractalized panes to me. I forget to watch the fights and am enthralled with the dome itself. A hot beefy boy nudges me to get throiugh to the main pit and I remember how horny psychedelics make me. I start noticing that there are all kinds of hot punky and goth boys around me. Tough looking fuckers. I hope that I'm not staring too hard. Its hard for me to seperate what my head and body are doing independent of each other and I wanna make sure that I'm not looking too leacherous or drooling. I start watching the fight. Some fucking great punk is playing: "I hate people. I hate people. People Hate ME!" I think its by Fear. I'm completely amped from the music and the energy of the crowd and fight. This one really tough chick swings out on the trapeze and scissor-locks her opponent and just starts to wail on her. She kicks ass. The ref keeps breaking it up whenever it gets too serious. She kicks the other chick in the back of the head. Hard. Its fucking funny, but maybe a little too intense for mushrooms.

I am high as fuck. I can't stop laughing; everything is so stupid and amazing and wrong and right. Sarah, dressed in pink furry hot pants and a matching hoodie gives me my one task for the evening: Don't lose the Pink Bunny Lady. Don't lose the pink Bunny Lady. I repeat it like a mantra. It is what will keep my head together. Somewhat.

We take off to this giant kalaidescopic sphere. There are three different skins spinning opposite directions. To get inside you have to climb up these ladders that are precariuosly tied together. As you go up, people opposite you are going down. We get up there and the view is amazing. All of the playa is lit up with lazers, lights, and fire. The moon is huge and bright. Sarah's a little uneasy as she notices how flimsy the structure we are in is built. I fucking love it. It makes it even more exciting for me. It's one thing I really love about Burning Man. Gimme danger, little stranger. In out real world of the United States of Litiginousness, hardly any of this could exist. I love my desert city. You can leave your backpack filled with you wallet, drugs and whatever's important anywhere and have confidence that it'll be there when you get back. You have to lock up your bike only because someone as off their tits as you are on drugs isn't going to be able to differentiate their ride from yours and will accidentally steal it. You need a cigarette or water and some stranger will give it to you, no questions asked. It's swell to be nice.

Sarah and I take off from our other friends to ride around and explore. Her LSD is hitting her in a big way. We're on differnet drugs, but its the same trip. We see patterns everywhere. Everthing breathes and moves. The sky is amazing. The moon fights to burn through the inkiest clouds I've ever seen. They look like fingers engulfing it. Flame-throwers are going off all around us. It couldn't look anymore apocalyptic. It feels like the end of the world and nobody cares. We're just gonna have a good time until there is no more time to be had.

We take off again and find a giant octopus. It's built out of rebar covered in canvas and stands about 50 ft. tall. People are climbing all over it. I'm wearing a kilt with no shorts underneath, but fuck it I want to climb. I get into this total zen/yoga mind set and trust my body completely, swinging legs and arms like a monkey and scramble up to the top. I glad I'm tripping or I might remember to be afraid. It might not read like much on paper, but the experience was amazing. After stealthily climbing on the octopus, I hop on my bike and fall over sideways. Monkeyboy can't ride a bike.

We wander some more. Sarah says, "I think I'm lost." I have to remind her that you can't possibly be lost if you're not going anywhere in particular. She keeps wondering if what we are seeing is actually there. It doesn't matter. It's our reality now. I'm enjoying seeing what's NOT there too much to question anything.

We wander over to a giant schooner ship and catch an amazing opera/play. Full strings, opera singers, and electronic instruments in the middle of the fucking desert. There are at least 60 naked bodies performing, from the grotesquely obese to really fucking hot; Especially the "Adam" character.

As our drugs start to let us down, we decide to call it a night. This is just the pre-party after all. We gotta save some energy and dopamine for the the next couple of days.

To be continued...

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