I first met Nick Name when he came up to perform with his band, the Normals, for the debut of The Shaft at the 220 Club during Pride Weekend. That's when the problems started. He acted like he was doing me this huge favor by coming up from LA and performing for free at my event. He got all prissy when I didn't have the drum set that I said I'd have. I mean, I had most of the drums; I just didn't have the stands or cymballs. Big deal, right?! He couldn't improvise. Real punk, huh? So we eventually get it settled. He borrows a kit from another band. During his set, the electricity goes out in the middle of the set. Like I know anything about it. I don't wanna listen to his crappy music. I'm upstairs in the VIP room drinking beer and eating some cute go-go slut's ass, but later I hear that he throws a real hissy and just takes off. What a puss, right? We don't have any communication until this month, unless you count the shameless self-promoting emails he frequently sends.

We meet up again at my buddy Spike's house a couple weeks ago. I don't think he even really recognizes me from before. He's not real bright. You know the type: a typical West Hollywood living, gym bunny. He starts talking about how he hates playing clubs without perfect sound, or nice stages. He says he's been spoiled and can't go back. And I quote Nick: "Tell me how to sell out! Where do I sign? I'm ready to sell out right now." I mean, he was like Cuba Gooding, Jr. in Jerry MacGuire. I was just waiting for him to start shouting, "Show me the money!" With that terrible taste in my mouth, I leave.

We meet again a couple weeks later at Spike's again, unless you count the time we spent bouncing off each other in a two-man pit at KY. That was fun until he lost interest and started hitting on my boyfriend, Victor. Anyway, at Spike's I get to know him a little bit more in depth, and I have to say, he's not a bad kisser, just a terrible person. Victor will concur.

It turns out that Nick has this fucked up notion of punk rock. It's more than just fashion to him. And it's not all about the music either. He thinks that it has something to do with perspective on life and the world we live in. He thinks it's an attitude. He really has no idea that it's all about safety pins, spikes, and having the right records. I shit you not; he told me that he likes the Bee Gees. He really appreciates their "melodies and complex song writing." Neil Diamond is also a favorite of his. The other one that blew me away is the fact that he's a big Carpenter's fan. He's even seen them live. (Yeah, he's that old!)

Anyway, I recommend you make up your own mind and check out this asshole's website. It's good for a laugh. Or if ya want to write him directly to let him know what a loser he is, do so at: NN@NickName.biz.

If anyone has more dirt on this putz, please write me with details at: jefleopard@hotmail.com. I really want to skewer this poser.